I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
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Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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