and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
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I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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