dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize