so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize