I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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