thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize