there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize