is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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