go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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