Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize