You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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