we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize