Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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