you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
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This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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