i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Drunk walkin through police station. America
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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