my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize