I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize