dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize