bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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