it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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