Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize