dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize