My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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