Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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