ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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