Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just had sex on a roof
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize