I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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