im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize