You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i came on her dog
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Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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