LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
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He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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