Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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