A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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