i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize