Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
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Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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