Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
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Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
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I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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