Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
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doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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