OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
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He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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