Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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