things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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