come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dear god my vagina.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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