I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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