She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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