he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
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If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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