The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
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New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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