Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My vagina just clenched in fear
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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