he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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