Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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