I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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