I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
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the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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