I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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