yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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